Monday, January 07, 2008

Into the Confessional?!

For those of you that have read my blog for awhile you know from various posts that I grew up Catholic.

Well I have to have to make a confession of sorts.

My posts from the past few days have been filled with frustration, angst, stress and hopefully some useful information here and there.

I am a *recovering* perfectionist. My background was I was the "perfect" child, "perfect" student, blah blah blah. Straight A's, played sports, was a well rounded person. I followed the rules, I did what I was told, I lived in fear of "getting in trouble" either from my parents, my sisters, elders, teachers or God(that sure covers a lot of people doesn't it?).

So with that information you can understand where my angst has been coming from. Yes I am now a 41 year old adult but I still sometimes feel like that little girl. I NEED to get my homework done AND it needs to be perfect. It needs to be A-level work. I don't want to get in trouble by my teacher for not having my homework done.

I *know* that this course is about learning. I AM learning so very much. I cannot thank Jean enough for what she has taught me so far. Even though the vest is not *quite* right, the main pieces of it fit perfectly.

I *know* that I need to let these things go. Don't sweat the small stuff they say. For a Type A, perfectionist, I mean recovering perfectionist, that is much easier said than done.

As I move forward and document my experience in this class just remember I have baggage. This is a wonderful course. We have some challenges because Jean lives in Vancouver but I would much rather slog through my demons and have this wonderful experience/opportunity than not.

This class is teaching me a lot more than just knitting. I have to remind myself to let go and not take it so seriously. I also need to learn that anything I do, perfect or not, is *perfectly* acceptable. I remember when I went to Amish country in Ohio many, many years ago. I was somewhat into quilting at the time. I just recall so clearly how these artists would do something to make their product NOT perfect because only God is perfect.

I feel a lot better now. For all those perfectionists out there ( I won't mention names but I do know more than just a few ) I hope this helps you get perspective on what is important in life. It is the journey, not the destination and for me, it is the relationships I establish along the way...like those folks that take the time out of their busy days to see what I'm up to, and my fellow students, and teacher, who are daring to really challenge themselves in this art form.

5 comments:

punkin said...

Do you have to travel to Vancouver B.C.? I think I may have read about her studio a while back.

Being a recovering perfectionist can be challenging. Remember to pick your battles and let go of those things that are not battle worthy.

I admire you for the effort you are making in order to excel in your knitting. It is inspiring.

Gail said...

Big, big hug!!

A priest once told me that the word for "perfect", viz., "Be ye perfect", was a mistranslation. The root of the word actually means wholeness, or complete.

"Be ye whole." Fully complete.

That makes sense to me... I agree with Punkin.

Naomi, you are one of my heroes. Take good care of yourself. You show me how to appreciate life, its gifts, and its precious relationships. Please don't let work get you down. Love ya!

Elise H said...

I hear you sister! As a bit of an overachiever myself, I have had to learn to slow my wheels a bit and take the learning for what it is meant to be...a journey. So, your vest is "perfect" in the sense that it has provided you with many lessons. Wearable? Who cares? Lessons learned are the most important so that you can apply the lesson to the next garment.

Also, as a lawyer, I had to constantly remind myself that what I engage in every day is practice, and not perfection. Helps me get through the tough times. hang in there!

Rebecca said...

If I were perfect I would have called my new yarn 'Sweetheart Red' instead. sigh. Missed you at Ferals. We actually went last night AND I brought the red targhee. Maybe Thursday??? Come, knit some Jean Wong with us while we work on Top Down Magic! We promise not to bother you too much...

deb said...

Hang in there. You're doing great. The learning is in the journey, blah, blah, blah, yatta, yatta, yatta.... You get the picture. ;-)