Saturday, March 29, 2008

Part Irish?

I belong to both the Blue Moon Fiber Arts Rockin Sock Club and Sundara's Season's club.

I have loved this year's BMFA's yarn and patterns. I am actually caught up with the socks so far. Well, so far only two have been sent out. I did the first one and the second one came out just last week. So I'm still on schedule with the Rockin Sock Club 2008.

If you are not aware of Sundara's Season's club you should take a look. With this "club" you get to choose a season. This way you are more likely to get color choices you want/love. Each one I have received has been...something I love. She is planning to renew this club so if you get a chance to get in, I would highly recommend it. What I like about this club is 1) You are likely to get colors you love because of the choice of season and 2) You get a variety of types of yarn. It isn't just sock yarn.

Why do I bring up both these clubs?

This month for both clubs...I received these:

On the left is Sundara's sock yarn in Sour Apple and the right is BMFA's Lucky. The BMFA yarn is actually darker than shown in the photo.

These Irish inspired yarns made me think of my dad. I always think of my dad on St. Patrick's Day. He always said he was Irish Catholic. My maiden name is Ooka(japanese, hello?!). He said it was really O'Oka with a big grin. He loved St. Patrick's Day! In fact one of my sisters is named Patricia - would have been Patrick if she had been a boy. What a funny man.

I really miss my dad. He was big on hugs. I miss his big hugs! He died 17 years ago(hard to believe)! I was just 24 years old.

This brings me to WHY I HAVE NOT BEEN POSTING.

My true nature is happy, fun, positive, supportive. I believe I have a patient spirit that is nurturing, loving and kind, overall. I don't feel I have been this in the past few months.

I'm going through another bout of healing from the losses I have experienced in my life as well as a mini mid-life crisis of sorts(impending retirement in June). I miss my mom and dad, as well as my sister Deb. I go through this periodically from time to time but it never lasts this long.

Depression is a funny thing. I know when I am depressed when I just want to hole up in my master bedroom chair with my knitting projects strewn about, spinning wheel and roving here and there, my Netflix DVD's, my laptop(so I can fall into the Ravelry black hole - another thing that takes time away from blog posts) with Chase and Beanie hanging out with me. This holing up is not my true nature either.

I usually love hanging out with my friends and family. I look forward to every other Monday night hanging out with the fellow Feral Knitters, Thursday night at Village Yarn and Tea where I meet up with my knit buds, have tea and chat it up. I make myself do these things because they make me feel better. I need connections with people.

Most people probably don't notice or wouldn't think I am depressed. Sure, I experience a lot of happiness but underneath is this underlying grief.

I know it is temporary. I'll be glad when the veil lifts. It seems to be lifting more and more. I think spring weather, blooming flowers and sunshine will help, too!

I have learned and observed some interesting things in the past few months. Friends have come to my assistance(those that know) with notes of encouragement, e-mails of concern and just plain love and kindness.

I have also had some interesting experiences. I've had an experience or two where I decided to forge into the area of vulnerability and spoke the word "depressed" and it seemed to pass like it was not even spoken. I know it says more about the other person but it is surprising and interesting all the same to not receive an acknowledgement or hear a word of concern or caring. I understand we all have our issues, have our challenges and sometimes we just don't have it within ourselves to be supportive. I get that. I have compassion for others and where they may be at the time. It is the give and take of relationships.

I love my life. I am grateful for my family, my friends and for the passions I have in life. One thing I love about our fiber community is how we can connect over a passion we have in common yet the connections we make are so much deeper...they aren't just about knitting.

Thanks everyone who has sent me notes, listened to me and just cared about me and my experiences.

Each note, each email, each expression of kindness and caring has been a huge gift to me!


Arctic Knitter said...

Hang in there! Isn't the 'Lucky' yarn yummy? Hopefully I'll cast on soon. Ahh - I think I see snow falling outside! Now I need to go hole up & knit something warm. Happy Day!

Ryan said...

I know you have been very much there for me as I went (and continue to go) through my hard times, so I hope there's something I can do for you!

I guess the only good thing about all the crap I've gone through is it has made me much more understanding and empathetic about what depression is all about.

I'm glad things are looking up for you at least a little bit. I really do think spring is going to make a big difference to a lot of us around here.

Purlwise said...

Oh Naomi, I didn't realize ... hope it gets better soon. Not that it helps but to some extent it's a part of life that we all face from time to time...right?

Anonymous said...

Hey sister, hang in there! I miss Dad, Mom, and Deb too. Life is full of so many surprises isn't it? Thinking about you girl.


Gail said...

I am sorry I didn't realize you were having such a hard time. (Pay attention, G.!) And thank you telling us about your father: what terrific energy and joy you shared about him. Now I know where you get your great sense of humor.